Cory and I and all our spiritual family who comprise City Light Church have been studying and discussing in recent weeks some misconceptions about who God is, what love is (which is really one and the same since God is Love), and what it is he really wants from us. During one of our recent discussions, we made mention of the passage in 1 Corinthians 13 that tells us love is not self-seeking. That translates into God is not self-seeking, which I don’t think I’d ever have said I doubted. Of course he’s not! He’s God, and therefore, he’s good and perfect and kind and so on and so forth. Sometimes, though, when you get inside and underneath what your words are confessing as belief, you can see what it is your heart really holds on to.
I’ve often thought of the church in military terms. We’re the “army of God.” We turn to him for “marching orders.” I even diligently taught my sons all the words, complete with motions, to the song “I’m in the Lord’s Army” when they were little. The problem is, when I think in those terms, a de-personalization occurs. I’m just one in the ranks; just a part of the corps. The whole becomes more important than the individuals who form the whole. And while I might not notice on a conscious level, I begin to view God as one who is interested in me because of the contribution I can make to his cause. I’ve long held to the belief that God would use me as a part of his great plan. In fact, I’ve prayed that: “God, I just want to be used by you.” Sounds spiritual enough… but transfer that into any other relationship. “Cory, I just want you to use me. I don’t care whether or not you value me or my individuality in any way other than how it furthers your desires and plans.” I would have no desire to be in such a selfish relationship. Yet I’ve seen God as one who would “use” me for his purposes, his plans, his agenda. That sounds self-seeking to me- but we’re told love isn’t so. So either we’ve been lied to about what love is and is not- or we’ve been guilty of viewing God in light of how we’ve believed love to be.
In the book The Misunderstood God and the Lies Religion Tells About Him, the author makes this statement: “God does have a purpose, but that purpose is not for us to be servants… His purpose is for us to be his sons and daughters, and out of those relationships, we become the message.” This says to me that God doesn’t need me- he wants me! Not because of what I can do for him, but because he chose to make me his child and one upon whom he can lavish his love.
I love this journey of becoming!!!
