I must say, I know how to choose friends. I have some great ones! J While each of them is a blessing to me, one in particular blessed me in a tangible manner recently. It was a complete surprise. I had no inkling it was coming. It was a demonstration of her love and appreciation for me. My initial reaction: Guilt! In the span of a few seconds, thoughts of various nature ping-ponged around in my head. Certainly I was incredibly grateful and delighted; who doesn’t like to receive a gift? But I found myself feeling unworthy of its receipt. I thought of the reasons I really didn’t merit something so nice. I then thought of how generous was my friend and determined I fell short in that area. I tried to think of how I could take the gift and do something nice for my friend with it. I then pondered the “right” thing to do with it. Something that was meant to bless me had become, in my estimation, something not to steward with gratefulness and delight but something to retroactively earn. When I allowed the ping-ponging to subside, I recognized that this approach to receiving a gift wasn’t new to me. Don’t I, on some level, wrestle with the concept of having to earn that which God has given me as demonstrations of his love? My husband… my children… grace…
I believe that part of my becoming process involves learning to view myself through the lens of grace. This lens magnifies who I am and what I do right and diminishes the imperfections. This is not a means by which I can “let myself off the hook,” or see myself as better than I am, but it’s a means by which I can grow in God-confidence. Doing so serves not to exalt myself but to glorify he who is perfecting me- he who delights in me because I’m Lisa.
